Dear GI intruder,

In case you didn't know, you are not welcome at our house!!  I order you and beg you to LEAVE right now!  How dare you strike our precious little daughter the night of her 2nd birthday party?  Why did you cause her to throw up for the first time in her entire life?  Why have you cursed our successful daytime potty-training learning with horrible explosive diarrhea and extremely potent gas?  We have gone through more underwear in the past 4 days than we have since we started potty-training learning!  She was doing great before you came uninvited,  now she is traumatized to even sit on the potty and holds it for 4-5 hours at a time!  I hate you GI intruder!  Hate is a strong word, but you are wrecking havoc on our household!

If you don't understand the above paragraph, you will understand these words ... I AM EVICTING YOU AS OF 3:10pm Friday afternoon!  Do not return or pay the consequences (bleach and scalding hot laundry water!)