Mixed Emotions

Well, we had our 37 week check-up today at the doctor. I left with quite mixed emotions. The good news is that I have officially "dropped" as I had hoped/expected. It must have been on Monday when I started feeling all that intense pressure. I asked the doctor if she was going to check my cervix today and she said she didn't usually this early b/c it could cause quite a bit of unnecessary pain for information that (most likely) wouldn't change anything. I was grateful not have to go through the "pain," but was also interested if I was dilated at all. Of course, I choose the no pain route... maybe I will be checked next week at 38?

I also brought up induction (on my due date if I hadn't gone before) and she said that she typically doesn't do a "convenience" induction -- meaning I could still be carrying this child WELL into the new year!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! That actually brings tears to my eyes to think about being pregnant into January!!!! I am so ready to meet this little child of ours, that I can hardly stand it... the thought of being pregnant another 4 weeks is too much for this prego-mama to handle!!! It is so hard when 3 other people I know at my same stage in pregnancy (a few days give or take) have "birth" dates or are at least progressing towards freedom!!! It is hard to be patient and trust that my body and my baby know what to do!!! Sometimes I just want to help Sophia out and say... "GET OUT NOW!!" (In a sweet, kind motherly way of course!!!)

Tomorrow is a full-moon and along with that comes GRAVITATIONAL pull!!! Hopefully this will work to our advantage and pull her down a little bit further and give her a little "jump start." Now I know this is all wishful thinking (no one needs to inform me of this) ... but it is something positive to hang my hat on if you will.

As most of you know, I "sometimes" haven't been the most positive person when it came to my pregnancy -- ok, maybe "most" of the time. I really had no reason not to think positive, but with the burden of "knowing too much medically," I trended towards the worry aspect/side. I was always thinking of the worst case scenario and ALL that could happen in the womb ... now I am finally faced with the reality that this birth is going to really happen!!I haven't really let my mind wrap around this concept until recently. It is really a pretty frightening concept... pushing a watermelon (as my patients refer to my belly) out a hole the size of a lima bean!! YIKES

Watching the childbirth videos in class really brought my attention to the intensity of the labor/delivery process and the immense amounts of pain associated with labor and delivery. I have been really trying to think positively over the past week that we can do this... I can do this... God will give me strength and the ability to get her out. Also, the fact that women have been doing this since Eve!!!

However, I have been recently bombarded by MANY people of all different professions, ages, and walks of life telling me how hard this is going to be... how intense it is going to be... and ask me if I am prepared... ask me if Nate and I can handle this together alone??? It is so hard not to say back and say, "Really? It is going to be hard? I was thinking it would be a cake walk ..." Do people think they put your mind at ease with those kind of comments? I am not saying that I want to be told it is so easy and no pain. I KNOW it is going to be really hard and frankly I don't want to be reminded of that all day long!! With all my own negative thinking, I need some positive encouragement in these last few weeks!!! Don't ya think?? I have a dear friend from church that has passed on some encouraging statements of faith and I will be meditating on those for these last few weeks. I need a NICE, HUGE dose of positive thinking right now!!!

Well, time for Peanut and I to hit the sack.... tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! YEAH!!

Allyson and Peanut