Friday, March 13, 2009

Bessie part two...

Thank you to everyone that commented on the last post or those that emailed me support and encouragement. Your words truly have blessed my heart and my soul!! It is so encouraging to know that I am not the only one that has struggled with this and that others have gone before me.

God has really been teaching me a lot throughout these past two months about myself and my faith. I have been very humbled by my current situation. So many times in my life when I have succeeded and accomplished a huge goal, I have had some or lots of "control" in the matter. With breastfeeding, I haven't had that piece of "control" that I tend to crave. It has made me rely on God -- but believe me it hasn't been easy. I have sure put up a great 2-month long fight. I kept thinking I could do it on my own --- just try a little harder, do this or do that. Nope, that wasn't the answer. The answer for me was to give it all up to Him.

Ever since I "dumped" out all my feelings and poured my heart out Wednesday, I have felt an amazing sense of peace. I know that only God can provide this peace for me! I haven't cringed when I have had to make up a bottle of formula to supplement Sophia's feeding. I have mixed it up with joy and the knowledge this is providing nourishment and nutrition to my daughter so she can grow and develop. In a weird sense, it has taken much pressure off me during my nursing sessions. If a session isn't going well, I don't sit and fret and stress about it, I just stop it and go make her a bottle. It gives me a sense of freedom and an "out." I don't think I would have this peace if I wouldn't have been honest about my struggles with everyone and most importantly myself. I had to search deep within my own soul to see the root cause of my stress and tension. With that knowledge, I was able to finally admit and accept (which is the biggest feat) there was a problem!

Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and love!! We have had two really good days, especially mentally for this mama!! I covet all of your continued prayers for us!!! You will never know how much they mean to me!!

Thanks again!
Much appreciation and gratitude!!

Allyson and Sophia


Amber said...

I'm so glad that you have peace in this difficult situation! You have such a tender heart and you are doing a great job with your precious little one!

Kristin said...

Here's another option. If she can't drink yours, maybe she could drink "Bessie's." Just a thought.

I can so relate to your way of thinking. I will be stressed if doctors tell me I have to supplement.