Life is NOT an Emergency

Each morning I have been trying to read through my new devotional book, One Thousand Gifts Devotional: Reflections on Finding Everyday Graces by Ann Voskamp.  Most of you know of my love for Ann's powerful writing!  She has been given an incredible gift of writing and uses it for God's glory!  Searching through my daily life, looking to find all of the "gifts" the Lord has given me truly has made me a much  more thankful, introspective person.

Here are a few excerpts from the devotional to give you a taste of the deeper thoughts she provokes:

- How do I fully live when life is full of hurt?

- ... but to choose to live as one filling with His grace?  Choosing to fill with all that He freely gives and fully live - with glory and grace and God?  I know it but I don't want to: it is a CHOICE!

- A lack of doxology leads to depravity! (WOW!)

- If all the dismembering wickedness in the world begins with an act of forgetting - the the act of literally counting blessings literally re-members us to God!

- Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving.  Is the height of my chara joy dependent on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks?  So then as long as thanks is possible, then joy is ALWAYS possible.

In the most recent entry I have read, she speaks of recognizing grace.  Ann speaks "Calm, Haste makes waste.  Life is not an emergency.  Life is brief and fleeting, but it is not an emergency.  Emergencies are sudden, unexpected events - but is anything under the sun unexpected to God?  Stay CALM, enter the moment, give thanks!  I can always give thanks because an all-powerful God has all these things - all things - always under control... Time is not running out.  This day is not a sieve, losing time.  With each passing minute, each passing year, there's this deepening awareness that I am filling, gaining time.  We stand on the brink of eternity."

I thought this passage was INCREDIBLE!  So often in life we run through it, going to the next activity, next minute, the next hour, next day all the while, we forget to enjoy life in the moment.  With little kids, it is especially easy to consider life an emergency.  I am always running late to get Sophia to school, to get to MOPS, to get to a class at the Y, always another dirty diaper to change, 100 chores to fit into a few hours of naptime.  The daily life becomes "urgent" when in fact, it really isn't.  I need not think of life as a sieve, rather life as getting fuller minute by minute I am given grace to go about our life.   Ann said, " Father you are giving me more time to recognize the significance of the Story you are writing on these days.  Cause me to see more of the beautiful moments you place in my life.  I want to slow down and taste your goodness."

Wow, what an incredible prayer!  After reading this day, I was truly convicted that I need not treat life as an emergency, rather, treat it as days FULL of ways to see God's goodness and grace!

If you are looking for a devotional that is inspiring and easy to fit into your daily life, I strongly recommend Ann's.  The link is in the top paragraph!

Do you see life as an emergency?   How can you join me in recognizing God's goodness and grace?

The many faces of Jackson at 11 months and my rants about govt inefficiency!

Last Wednesday I turned 11 months old!  Yay, such a big boy!!  Always willing to smile at the camera for me ... his sister, well, not so much!!

Chillin' with mommy!

How about a side-view mom?  

"I just can't take all the paparazzi flashes!"

How big is Jackson, "So BIG" -- this is his response

Yeah, not sure what he is doing but cute, isn't? 

Well, the countdown is on to his big 1st birthday ... 25 days!!  I can't believe how quickly time has FLOWN by this year!  I know a lot of it has to do with the fact I also have a preschooler around the house too!  Never a dull moment around here!

The other countdown is to Jackson deciding he is ready to crawl ... too bad I can't put a number of "DAYS" to that!  From conception (or even before conception), we as moms worry about our children!  It seems like each stage in life brings a new worry and stress!  A friend shared with me today that God is not up there clinching his fists and wondering what is going to happen next with our problems!  Thankfully He is an all-knowing and sovereign Lord who knows the future and how all of our problems are going to turn out!  Although, while going through these trials, it is always hard to remember this truth!  

I think the majority of my recent anxiety is due to the fact that when I recognize a problem and know the steps to take it, I like to jump on it.  I want to work to solve my problem ... the waiting is SO hard for me!!  Also, when the dr tells you month after month well-child check ... "Your son is just perfect ... he is right on track" then you are slapped in the face with the fact that something could be wrong .. milestones are being hit .. that is a lot to stomach as a parent.  (Disclaimer ... I know there could be WAY worse things and I am VERY THANKFUL for the blessing of 2 healthy children!)   When I put him on all 4's and he just screams his bloody head off ... you begin to wonder ... what else might be going on?  

Sophia was a late crawler (she crawled at 10 months and 3 weeks -- see, when you wait that long, you remember the EXACT day and week -- Nov 21st!).  Once Jackson's 10 month and 3 week birthday came and went ... I thought, anytime this week he will start crawling.  Well, that didn't happen and we made it to 11 months.  I called the pediatrician and asked her if we should wait till his 1 year apt to start therapy or if we should start the process.  She advised I contact 1st Steps and start the process to get physical therapy.  When I called 1st Steps, I had no IDEA how LONG of a process and INEFFICIENT process that it would be!   Don't even get me started on government process'!  Ughhhhhhhhh!

Would you like the timeline? 

Monday August 6th - Put in a call to 1st Steps, was told someone would call me in 2 days!

Tuesday August 7th 4pm - Received a call from my "intake coordinator" and we scheduled to meet Friday August 10th to start paperwork.

Friday August 10th - Met the intake coordinator (Super sweet!) and spent 30 min doing paperwork and she called someone and scheduled Jackson's PT/OT eval for the first available ... WAIT ... in 2 weeks.  

Friday August 24th - Supposed to be his PT/OT eval 

Wed August 29th - Supposed to have a mtg with the Service Coordinator (yes a 3rd person in the process) to write our plan.

READY FOR THE NEXT STEP?  Wait for it .... count the days ... 14!

Wed September 12th - The first possible/allowed date for PT.  This isn't even a guarantee if the PT doesn't have openings!  There is a FANTASTIC state law that mandates a 14 day waiting period b/w the plan written and the 1st mtg with the therapist!  And this makes sense b/c WHY???????  Oh yeah, it doesn't!!

(If anyone can fill me in on the reason behind this lovely 14 day waiting period, I would LOVE to know!)

All of these days would be further apart if I wasn't johnny-on-the-spot and being super eager and FLEXIBLE with scheduling and timing!!  

Isn't that UNBELIEVABLE???  It will take me (BEST CASE SCENARIO) 38 days to get a physical therapist IN MY HOUSE to even begin therapy????  My blood is just boiling typing this all out and seeing how INEFFICIENT this process is .... all I want my kid to do is crawl before his 1st birthday ... is that too much to ask???   It probably isn't going to happen, so I am not getting my hopes up!  At least you don't have to crawl to eat your first birthday cupcake!! Right?

Many have told me that maybe he will just walk and not crawl at all ... I know many kids have done that and turned out fine ... but I want him to crawl ... to meet each milestone ... according to many wise-medically trained experts ... crawling is a more important milestone compared to walking!  

I would be willing to pay more money to get this process to move faster .... nevertheless, glad I started it when I did!  Hindsight looking back, I should have started it at 10months!!  Mental note ... for the next baby ... oh wait ... no more babies for this mama!!

I am so thankful to have a SWEET SWEET friend that is going through a lot of the same stuff with her son!  She has been such a blessing to me and such an encouragement!!  JB thanks so much!!  She has shown me many exercises to start doing with Jackson before I can get some professional help!! 

Anyone have any good PT exercises to work with him?  

RAW confessions

SLEEP ... it is what this child of ours does so well ... now her brother on the other  hand ....
NOT SO MUCH! 

I have been trying to write a blog post for seriously 2 weeks now ... other things seem to get in the way ... life just happens.  I look at the blog as a time that I can sit down and journal.  It is quite therapeutic for me, and maybe, just maybe, it helps someone out there in blogger world.

The month of February into the first few weeks of March were extremely hard for us.  Jackson's sleep was worse than it had been the previous month, I was exhausted, my patience level was nil, and I wasn't enjoying life.  I have learned sleep deprivation can literally sap the love of life right out of a person.  A mom can handle it for those first few months, but when it keeps dragging on for 6 or more months, it begins to really ware on you.

Two weeks ago, after Jackson's dedication, I felt like I really hit rock bottom.  I was an emotional mess due mostly to lack of sleep!  (Thank you son!)  I broke down that Sunday afternoon and felt like my life was determined by Jackson's sleep or lack there of.  The tears just kept coming!  (Crying is so exhausting!)  I went to bed every night not knowing what time I would be getting up, thus I always tried to hit the sack early (I am talking 8:30-9:15pm).  Nap times never seemed to be synchronized any more, so I couldn't count on a personal nap!  I wasn't able to spend quality time with Nate because I was in such deep need for sleep.  Obviously without quality time put into your marriage, your marriage feels the weight and stress of your current situation.  The thing was I knew Jackson could sleep longer stretches because he had showed it many times in the past. (Heck, the kid was sleeping better during months 3 and 4 than he was at 6 months!) I think that was the most frustrating part.  His sleep was getting worse instead of better! :(  Also, I could never count on a good nap from him.  I would literally spend 30 minutes trying to get him to sleep and he would wake up 30-45 minutes later.  All of this being said, that Sunday afternoon I KNEW something had to change or I was going to go insane!!  I know lack of sleep doesn't bother many people, but I am a 8-9hr/night kind of girl.  If I don't have that much sleep, I am very cranky and honestly don't do very well.  All of this being said, you can understand why 6 months of poor, broken sleep literally BROKE me!

My parents took Sophia for 4 days and I knew I had to tackle this huge problem!!  I spent a lot of time in prayer on Sunday night and throughout the next week.  I realize now those 4 days without Sophia were a breath of fresh air.  I could concentrate 100% on Jackson and give him every ounce of energy I had.  I was able to make headway with his sleeping, specifically his naps, which then began to help at night.  We had to (a) break him of the swaddle (b) teach him to go to sleep on his own for every nap/bed (c) teach him to go back to sleep after wake up's (d) disassociate nursing and sleep.  The first week was a lot of work, but I (through God's grace) began to see results faster than I anticipated.  Naps seemed to get more consistent, scheduled, and "easier" all around after a week.  We have had a few good nights of sleep in a row this week, so maybe, just maybe, we are on the right track!


I am so thankful for my parents and in-laws who came to the rescue in a very critical time!!  They were all so giving of their time and energy helping out!


After going through that really difficult time, I felt the presence of God like no other!  It was truly amazing!  I know what Paul meant by this verse in 2 Cor 12:9 "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."   I had to rely on God's grace to get me through.  I couldn't solve this problem in the power of my own strength!  Looking back, I also learned that God truly does care about the "small things" in life.  The past few nights have been wonderful and I feel like a new person.  I hope we are on our way to a better place, but if we regress, I pray that I will remember His mercies are new EVERY morning and that His grace is sufficient!  

I know sleep is the beginning of the parent struggles we will have with Jackson, but what an amazing lesson in trust, faith, and obedience to get us refocused and remember God will be the one to guide us in raising our children!  Goodness knows we NEED His help!


I hope you will seek the peace and guidance of a very powerful God in your daily struggles!  It is the only thing that can give you true comfort in the midst of chaos!

Isn't it hard to believe an adorable lil guy with that beautiful
 smile could cause such joy and grief at the same time?

Have you ever had any times during life where you began to understand Paul's message that God's grace is sufficient?